Just Checking In

December 17, 2007

I cannot write a decent journal entry to save my life. I’m too distracted to concentrate and a rather sucky writer (lately). Our marriage hit the skids about a month and a half ago and most of my spare time has gone into saving it. It’s a long story. I’ve also gone to some meetings (yes, those kinds of meetings, the ones with steps) and am looking into some out-patient drug addiction therapy. I figure that addressing my addiction issues will help me salvage my marriage. At least, that is what I am hoping will happen. We shall see.

Devin, his parents, and I went to Hawaii for a week. We went to The Big Island and I introduced Devin to the wonders of Kona coffee. (It’s amazing how much coffee knowledge I soaked up from those years at Starbucks… even though I still hate coffee and am thrilled that I am no longer forced to drink it.) When we were away from the in-laws, the trip was fantastic. There isn’t much to do in Kona (where we were staying) and The Big Island itself is gorgeous, forged by volcanic ash and great for site-seeing but not much else. Mother-in-Law spent the entire time complaining about everything. (I kept track of how many complaints she made because it the was the only way I could preserve my sanity–she complained an average of three-to-four times per hour. I was ready to gag her with a dirty sock by the end of our stay. She also spent every single day shopping, and she dragged us all to Costco on our last day in Hawaii. Who the hell goes to Hawaii to go to frakkin’ Costco?)

(Aside: A major pool equipment manufacturer always throws a week-long trip in an exotic location every December for pool builders who sold a lot of their equipment that year. Pool builders earn points for every piece of their equipment that we sell and, at the end of the year, we can redeem those points for the exotic trip. So, besides getting a free week in Hawaii in a really expensive resort with swanky rooms and bathrooms done entirely in marble, they also throw all sorts of parties and dinners. There were only two nights where we had to buy ourselves dinner. And all of the dinner parties thrown by the pool equipment people? They all had open bars. I fell off the wagon big-time because of the constant open bars. Fun time.)

On our third day there, the island was slammed by a huge rainstorm, with lovely thunder, lightning and horizontal rain due to the amazingly gusty winds. It was glorious. But it rained on and off for the rest of our stay (except for the day we left, of course) and M-i-L complained about the rain every time she opened her mouth. Even though it was beautifully warm and, you know, it was just rain, not the apocalypse, and, more importantly, it was rain in Hawaii but she did not care. Although it gave her a fantastic excuse to make three trips to Macy’s (”It’s raining! The shops are dry!”) and I went along on a shopping trip and she bought me a lovely black top and I bought myself a gorgeous dress. It was actually a fun shopping trip because the guys showed up towards the end of it and I got to model clothes for them. Devin has very definite opinions about what I should wear (basically anything other than my daily uniform of jeans and a t-shirt) and kept insisting that I should get the dress that was incredibly low-cut, to the point where it damn near showed my bra. Because he likes my cleavage.

The only male Macy’s employee also liked the super-cleavage bearing dress, although the look on Father-in-Law’s face when he saw me in it was hilarious. It helped that it was also sleeveless (some Mormons believe that sleeveless clothes are indecent and the in-laws subscribe to that belief) because that just doubled it’s indecency. F-i-L took one look in my in it, tried to hide his horrified reaction, and mumbled that he couldn’t believe Devin would let me buy that dress. While the male Macy’s employee drooled in the background.

I ended up getting a non-sleeveless dress that showed a decent amount of cleavage (hell, anything with even a hint of a v-neck shows off some of my cleavage because I have enough cleavage to hide entire paperback books and yes, I have tested that theory). Devin didn’t think it would be indecent enough and I explained that it would be plenty indecent with enough plumping. I wore it to the big luau on our last night there and I plumped my cleavage so much that lefty was trying to make a run for it by the end of the night. At least Devin agreed that yes, with enough plumping, the dress was delightfully indecent. There are pictures somewhere. And someday those pictures might actually get uploaded to Gallery. Someday.

We also went to the Volcanic National Park (probably not it’s official name) but it was raining, and M-i-L refused to get out of the car. She was also determined to get us back to the hotel with enough time for her to get ready for the dinner that night, so we weren’t allowed to spend more than an hour in the park, which really, really made me mad. My family might not take many trips but, when we do, we do not drive for three and half hours (one way) to spend only an hour in a cool National Park. But at least we went and we walked through a huge tube carved by lava, which was nifty-keeno.

If I ever get my act together, I’ll write a more in-depth Hawaii entry (with possible pictures! wow!) but there’s a lot of stuff going on right now. Something about the trip triggered my Crohn’s and I’m very, very sick (might have had something to do with all of those open bars) and am fighting my docs because they want me on steroids and, as I’ve said many times, I’d rather be hospitalized than go back on oral steroids. Especially when I’m trying to kick a drug addiction because the last thing I need right now is steroid-induced psychosis. But if I don’t start getting better soon, my docs are going to gang up on me and force the damn drugs on me. So, I am also trying to get healthy, in addition to saving my marriage and getting treatment for my drug addiction. And, oh yeah, Christmas shopping.

There is also the alarming amount of housework that needs to be done (why in the world do I have stacks of magazines from 2006?) and the last season of Gilmore Girls to watch on DVD (I just bought it over the weekend). Along with the holiday ritual of Love Actually, and I might even join Devin in his holiday ritual of Die Hard. We are strange people.

So, until we meet here again, why don’t you all ready about The New Strain Of Ebola!. Because it is SO cool. I am quite excited about it (and I also recorded a show this weekend on the History Channel called “The Plague,” which I am also very excited about). I can’t believe that Santa gave me a new strain of Ebola to obsess over for Christmas. And he even gave it to me early because he’s such a nice guy. He obviously knew that I needed something to take my mind off my Crohn’s.

(Although the new Ebola strain over-shadowed Jack, of the current Project Runway season, having a staph infection on his face and subsequently leaving the show for medical reasons. I’m horrible because all I could think about when he told the other designers that he was leaving and they all crowded around to give him a hug was, “Ohmigod, they are hugging the guy with the staph infection on his face. Do they not care at all about highly communicable diseases? EW.” When perhaps I should have been feeling sorry for the poor HIV, staph-afflicted man who was being forced to leave the show even though he was quite a good designer. And even while I was admonishing myself for not being appropriately sorry for the guy, I was more concerned about how easy it is to spread staph bacteria and, had I been on the show, I would have spent the entire day sterilizing everything Jack had ever touched.)

Posted in Medical Melodrama, Ebola